I am reading through Genesis, reacquainting myself with the characters (there are some REAL characters for sure) and their stories. My heart has been captivated by Jacob, the deceiver, the supplanter, the hustler. I so identify with the complexity and insecurity of his heart. Indeed, exploring Dr. Brene Brown’s work on the importance of vulnerability and the power of imperfection has left me painfully aware of the Jacob that lives inside me.
Jacob, the second born, constantly currying favor, manipulating behind the scenes and wrestling to obtain favor and love and goodness knows what else. In his excellent book on Jacob, Pastor Craig Barnes asks why we work so hard to get what God wants to give. Yes, I know there is blessing in the wrestling or wrassling as we say in the South. But could it be that there is equal blessing in acceptance with joy? Could it be that “Joy comes in the morning,” even without the wrestling? Could it be that God really does love us just as we are?
At 58 I find myself weary of all the wrestling, spent by all attempts to earn love. So I have decided to
approach the throne of grace open-handed and sometimes empty hearted to simply ask for what I need,
request what I want. I have decided just to believe that He is a good, good Father even when I am a not
so good child. I am going to take Him at His word that my new name, my blessing, need not come out of
my wrestling. Rather my birthright was won by Jesus who wrestled death and the devil and won.
I have decided to believe that just me is enough. Don’t you think that was Jacob’s secret fear? I think
that’s why he kept insisting that Esau receive his extravagant gifts. He just couldn’t believe that his
brother could love and forgive him. He couldn’t believe that he was enough.
So here I am, just me, in all my painful,l vulnerable imperfection relying on a Father who desires to give
us good gifts, a Savior whose heart is vulnerable to the cries of His people. That’s enough.