Last Sunday at church we sang my current favorite song, “Spirit of the Living God.” My favorite part of my current favorite song says, “When you speak and when you move…it changes us; it changes what we see and what we seek.” As we sang I heard the Holy Spirit whisper, “I’m like Lens crafters; I’m a vision specialist.” This made me laugh and ponder the dream that had awakened me that morning. In the dream I kept adjusting my glasses.
Tears welled up in my eyes as I realized how much I needed new lenses or even lasik surgery. Like Bartimaeus I began to cry out, “Jesus, Son of David have mercy on me.” Acknowledging my need of a Messiah who opens blind eyes was so freeing. It freed me from the need to be so certain about everything. Admitting that I am blind in so many areas, frees me from having to be right all the time, from having to have it all together. I can live in the tension of the unknown even in the political miasma which is America just now, because Jesus sees and holds the future and He is good!
This morning I spent some time in Luke 18, the story of a blind man. (Do you see a theme?) :) I love that when this man cries out Luke records, “Jesus stopped…” Jesus hears this one man’s cry for mercy above the crowd, his invocation of a Messianic title and he stops. Jesus stops his journey to Jericho and for the moment changes his focus. I like to think that my cries for mercy affect the heart of Jesus in the same way. He stops to listen… AND He responds.
The gospel goes on to say that Jesus “ordered the man to be brought to him.” Jesus knows when our blindness means we will need help getting to him and he makes provision for it. I wonder who I am to be helping to get close to Jesus? And I am so overwhelmed by gratitude for those who patiently, faithfully bring me to Jesus.
This has been a difficult season for me. I have been blinded by pain and tears as ungrieved losses refuse to be ignored. My anger and resentment have blinded me to God’s goodness but in the words of Graham Cooke, “Sometimes we just have to kneel and kiss the hand that hurts.” Sometimes we must trust the unseen Savior. We must walk by faith and not by sight. We must cry out for mercy and know that He hears.
“What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asks. I love the man’s answer. “Lord, I want to see,” is how the NIV renders it. Simple, straightforward no hyper-spiritual nonsense. However, today I see myself in the ESV version’s “Lord, let me recover my sight.” That’s where I am. I used to be a woman of hope and vision and I want to recover my sight. I confess that my own sin and brokenness have made me blind. I want to see a future and a hope! So here I am Jesus and you are a vision specialist!
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!